I wanted to stand and be still. Not talk. Not make up words. Scrambling around. The right ones I guess. The amusing ones or interesting ones or something, I don’t know. I wanted to be still. No longer vain or socially acceptable. Cool. I wanted to stand there, just stand amongst these people in the kind of reflective silence the Australian aborigine’s need in order to measure the closeness of their companion. Thinking out every word.
Someone said “Hey Michael” on the table to my right and all the people with her looked up. This kid enthusiastically stuck out his hand and she introduced me just as he said “Michael my name’s ...” something and shaking his hand I idiotically said my name once more realizing it’d now been said four times. This is not the point. Well not the entire point but I feel it’s part of the problem.
I fidgeted rudely with my phone because doing something gifts you purpose right? I called who I was supposed to be meeting, I mean, I did this as we spoke – looking into her eyes! and immediately cut the conversation when he answered the other end. She was ready for this, watching this behaviour, allowing for it. The others had lost interest but she was polite and prepared, beautiful even and with nice teeth. Simply shifting her attention elsewhere and all I really wanted to do was stand. Be still. Watch for a moment.
He was already there a few tables along but it was getting dark and noisy and cold for a summer evening. He put his hand up and I wandered over taking a sip of my pint and everything began again only at a different table with different people. It’s always busy outside this place come summer. Always.